Sorry for making another thread but I wondered what people's experiences and ideas on early trauma were. I've never really thought about it as such but since seeing two people post about early trauma in the 'I have suffered' thread it's made me think. Do you think that early trauma can have a lasting effect on your emotional well-being?
Apparently I had quite a traumatic birth - I was breech and got stuck and they nearly had to get the forceps. My mum said she thought I must have had a really bad headache as a child, possibly as a result of this, because I was very difficult to get off to sleep and would often cry (more so than usual babies) unless there was something rhythmic going on such as being patted/driving up and down the A12 in third gear.
I know it's probably all unrelated, I just wondered what others' experiences were?
I'll come back to this. But for now - I was 2 months premature, and was a forceps birth. Basically, I stopped breathing in the birth canal. When I get headaches now, they often feel like body memories. And the 'life script' I have of feeling I have to fight for anything, and that everything is a 'life or death' matter. And both of us got PTSD symptoms from the whole experience. And all those bright lights and intrusive medical hands after the relative boundaried, dark, womb.
Then I was separated from my mum for the first 3 weeks. She could only see me through glass. She didn't touch or hold me until I was 3 weeks old. Then she only visited me twice a day, once she herself was out of hospital. Abandonment feelings. Fragmentation feelings from not being held. Dissociation. Physical shock mode and freezing.
I also cried a lot. Apparantly I was the noisiest baby in the SCBU. I've always had problems sleeping, right from the word go. Hyper-vigilance makes it hard to relax enough to let go and sleep.
Plus, the whole thing of being small, weak, vulnerable, unsure in the world. The imprints run deep, and the bullies capitalised on it.
I never got the chance to connect with my mother at all. My birth led to heart failure for her and she was inches from death but was given a new heart in time. I was about 3 months old by then. Afterwards she was quite depressed and wouldn't really come near me/aknowledge me for a while. It's bizzare but I remember a time when she was curled up on the sofa and I was tugging on her arm and she just shoved me away... We have an awful relationship now, I feel such hatred towards her, a lot of it is unexplained, unless you hear my theory, which I won't go into right now.
I also remember a lot of times being sat on and forcefed, which I suppose explains my issues with food...
I was born at 26 weeks, weighed only 1 pound and 9 oz (.86kg), and was 12" (30m) long... had e-coli among other things. Was in hospital for like three months. Born with cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus.